Chrysalism
– The safe tranquil feeling of being indoors during a thunderstorm. Winter 2023
In my writing everything is so sad, and I am not
even sad. I recently started sleeping longer than 4
hours at a time and have begun snoring. Sometimes,
the snoring is so loud, that I cannot hear it.
My wife, so sweet, gently nudges me to stop it
and I do for a while. I sleep sometimes thinking
about if my snoring is loud this time. I awake,
and annoyingly ask was I snoring. My wife says
no, stop asking me things, and I return to sleep.
The point of snoring isn’t so complex. Something
is blocking my air way, and because we breathe
different when we are unconscious, the blockage
is pushed out of the way by breath, this is what
causes the stuttering sound… I think. My sweet
wife sent me a picture of snoring strips that were
on sale at CVS, and I was so elated to know it
was becoming a problem. My niece ran to her
mother’s room to escape my snoring one night
I fell asleep in the living room playing video
games. Other nights, when I am yelling, she
softly snores in her room and does not move.
Thunder and snoring are similar. Storm’s sound
like angel’s bowling. I sound like a growling bear.
Random facts connect without prodding. To my
wife, sister, Mother, brother, and stepupfather, thank you for peace
enough to snore. There have been countless nights that I couldn’t
help but cover my ears, hoping to fall deep into rem, and not be
afraid of the consequences.
The snoring strips have made my snoring bearable,
and my cat no longer hides, or pats me on the head
to wake me up. The nudges are becoming less frequent, my niece
doesn’t run to her mother’s room anymore.
When the people around you would fight anything
and anyone for you, there is nothing left to do, but growl.
Monachopsis
– Subtly feeling consistently out of place.
– I realize that it may be hard to care about these small moments, I also realize that while writing this, no one is here. Winter 2013
1
Sometimes when walking near someone I don’t know I sync my steps with theirs, give a little shuffle jog, then walk with them until they notice.
2
One time I wanted to do a good thing and be seen doing a good thing and saw water swelling outside, I grabbed an outdoor broom, the rectangular shaped kind, and started pushing the water away from the sidewalk and onto the grass, a double whammy of environment care and hard work. Too bad it was raining.
3
I remember going to a party as a freshman in college, and standing near a wall alone, listening to the sounds of conversations out of context, this one group was talking about what they were going to do while they were doing it, another collective started grooming each other, another passed around things in a circle, another showed shoes, another held hands, another left, another left, another asked me was I ready to leave–and go where, I thought.
4
I remember sitting in the backseat of a car with my friend who was arguing with a girl he liked in the front. I was afraid of not having access to the backseat anymore, so I stayed neutral, but he insisted on telling her that she was crazy for going on all those dates with people, her response was, I need a cigarette, her friend said, give me one too, I said, what are we talking about again, I said, I want to go to my dorm, I said, I never liked hookah anyway, I said, an hour is like 100 cigarettes, I said, give me one too. I brushed my teeth for 45 minutes afterwards because I smelled like a bowling alley. Never again, I said.
5
When driving to Detroit with poets, I realize that poets have a dress code that I cannot understand. They will cheer for each other, yelling about clothes found somewhere I have never been like Wisconsin, or Beirut, and look at my jorts and think, that is not swag. It could be true that my color blindness affects my ability to understand how orange scarves match green pants, black combat boots, and ironic hoodies from states they’ve never been to, but I have like Kentucky, or Ohio. I am trying to be the untucked shirt of poetry.
6
When driving to Detroit with poets, I realize that poets have a dress code that I understand. I cheer for them in their bright colors, and long scarves, draped around their necks like cloth fondant. Detroit welcomes everyone except haters. My mother, from the eastside, will tell you, don’t come over here talking crazy, because this is where it goes down. This is where you can build yourself into yourself, without ever losing one button. I am trying to be the tucked in shirt of Detroit. I am not concerned about what that means or looks like.
Opia
– Staring someone in the eyes long enough for it to feel intrusive, intimate, or wrong. Winter 2009
Learning to be interviewed, someone with eyes
stared into my eyes for a long time, said: “it shows
strength to stare into someone as they ask you questions
about working at the place they own or are managing.
Don’t use contractions and try to sit up because it
shows strength. Talk about yourself and when they ask
you to ask questions, ask a bunch of good questions
because it shows strength, and also that you know
enough about the company (the one they are managing
maybe?) to care and ask them what you’d be doing
when you get hired because assumption shows strength
and confidence shows strength, strength shows your
true taxonomy, unearths you from the abyss, shows that
you are smart and big. All of this, from just your eyes;
it shows you have nothing to hide.” Imagine if we didn’t have
strength. Sampson didn’t truly see until he lost his eyes,
but he was still strong, just couldn’t see in the way
the interviewer wanted; he definitely would not get the job.
I didn’t get the job either. I needed 2 years of driving experience I
didn’t have a license at the time, but I wasn’t truly being interviewed
I was learning to be interviewed, the interviewing teacher
felt the need to tell me I wouldn’t get the job anyway,
but I should be proud of myself. I held eye contact the entire
time, I barely even blinked, she said it wasn’t weird at all.