Shadow Work

After Lisa Baird

The body has a current

running through it which connects

the muscles in the jaw

to those in the pelvic floor. It’s called

the deep frontal line. It drapes itself over

the viscera like a tent

and keeps the body erect.

Only twenty-three muscles work

between them. When one tenses,

the other mirrors its terror.

It’s why we clench

our jaws and our assholes

in the same breath.

You never know which

one is the shadow.

Lockjaw and you become

a door bricked shut.

Mouth breather and your body

opens like a gateway to his.

Reflection on reflection

in the bloody well of your guts. His words

becoming water in the basin of you.

There’s a nerve behind the tongue which feels

more deeply. It’s called the vagus nerve.

It connects the vocal cords and the uterus—

the distance between voices through the phone.

His voice can ring sweetness

into your mouth and swell through

the rest of you but still, it will ricochet

white noise in your pelvis

if you do not relax your throat.

His words are lost to you, this way.

When he tries to enter you for

the first time, you should be

moaning for it. Low tones in the throat

relax the pelvic floor.

The vibrations in your larynx

will echo in the chambers

of your uterus and slacken

your vaginal walls to nothing.

You should be moaning

before he’s touching you.

Moan deeper. The vagina must

soften like an ending

if you need to tell him stop.

A tunnel needs an exit

for which your words can

escape. Somewhere

behind his skull,

the night averts its eyes.

By morning, my teeth

are ground to dust.